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The Year in Review

New Research Shows No One Cares About Your Stupid Camp Friends, Ever

By Jeffrey Hoodaman In an upcoming study to be pub­lished in Psychological Science, psychologists from the Universi­ty of Minnesota have discovered that seriously, nobody cares about your stupid camp friends.…

Whenever You Feel Sad, Just Remember How Rich I Am

By Stanley Meyers America is struggling. 9.2% of the labor force is unemployed, the real estate market is in shambles, and college students are struggling under hundreds of thou¬sands of…

Deerfield Combines Varsity Boys’ Football & Basketball Teams

By Jeffrey Hoodaman Several dozen students were enraged after the school administration announced last Tuesday the decision to merge the varsity boys’ football and basketball teams. Upon receiving the news,…

Angry Birds Destroy Homes

By Jeremy Hoodaman DECATUR, MI — De­catur police responded to an emergency call Wednesday morning after large birds smashed into several houses on Wil­low Street. There were no reports of…

Guess What? I Just Found A Piece of Cheese In My Beard!

By Quinn Price And fine swiss cheese, no less! What a treat for the both of us! I’ll brush off the mold from right there… Oh, and look at all…

Cuppy Coffee Admits To Steroid Use For Dunkin Donuts® Races

By Jefferey Hoodaman CHICAGO, IL — Track star Cuppy Coffee has acknowledged using steroids to prepare for nu­merous Dunkin Donuts® Races. He is scheduled to plead guilty today in New…

Korea Just Needs To Like, Chill Brah. Nah, But Like, For Real.

I usually don’t get into politics, brah. It’s really not my thing. Well actually, I have flipped past CNBC on my way to SpikeTV a couple times. That’s about it…

The Flipside’s Coverage of the District 113 Facilities Renovation

UPDATE: District 113 Facilities Renovation Would Put Major Asbestos Manufacturer Out of Business By George Minkowski The halls of Deerfield and High­land Park High School have a dis­tinct aroma. It…

Driver Hits Deer, Scores 100 Points

By Pierre Forte Steve “Happy” Wallenberg, man­ager of Happy’s Pizzeria, gained 100 points last night after hitting a deer as he drove home from work. Pedestrians watched as Wal­lenberg’s Jeep…

Deer Park Kids Remind Us That the Children Inside of Us Died Long Ago

By Jeremy Hoodaman Walking through the halls of Deerfield High School, it is not uncommon to come across the toddlers of Deer Park Childcare. Nothing is more adorable than watching…

Point Counterpoint: Farts

Nobody Knows I Just Farted By Ted Goldman Ok, chill, chill. Don’t move. Act like nothing happened. Cough one more time to make that first one seem real. Look at…

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