OPINION: Finals Week

By Emma Soren Finals Are So Stressfullll By Alice Sharpe, Type A…

Whenever You Feel Sad, Just Remember How Rich I Am

By Stanley Meyers America is struggling. 9.2% of the labor force is…

Guess What? I Just Found A Piece of Cheese In My Beard!

By Quinn Price And fine swiss cheese, no less! What a treat…

Korea Just Needs To Like, Chill Brah. Nah, But Like, For Real.

I usually don’t get into politics, brah. It’s really not my thing.…

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (As told by mall security)

By Saul Brown, Mall Cop I’ve known Alexander Grinch for about 8…

Guest Apology Letter

Dear Allison Jane, I am writing to you with a bizarre apology.…

Underground Senior T-Shirt Causes Split in Class: Stupid vs. Not Stupid

^Some shirts that don’t scream, “I’m dumb!” By George Minkowski DEERFIELD, IL…

Opinion: Thanks For Running Over My Cousin

By Sarcastic Squirrel Excuse me, sir. I totally get how busy you…

Opinion: I Enjoy Doughnuts… So What?

By Officer Dan I spend long days patrolling the streets, enforcing speed…