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Whenever You Feel Sad, Just Remember How Rich I Am

By Stanley Meyers

America is struggling. 9.2% of the labor force is unemployed, the real estate market is in shambles, and college students are struggling under hundreds of thou¬sands of dollars of debt.

Which is why, whenever you’re down in the dumps, I suggest you come stand on my front lawn and take in the gorgeous architecutre of my new $2.2 million dollar home. It’ll make you feel better, I promise.

Money, of course, does not buy happiness; it instead allows one to purchase goods and services that bring happiness. So it might not come as a surprise to you that I can afford to be really, really, hap¬py. I dare you to look at the Audi A6 parked in my driveway and not crack a smile.

Look, I can’t help that poor people are poor. Had they not slacked off in school, they might have become as successful as me. Yet, I believe that everyone person is entitled to happiness; just because I’ve naturally accumulated so much wealth doesn’t mean we can’t both appreciate it. Or at least you can appreciate it from afar. Our house has a gate, after all.

Do you want to hold my iPad 2? Oh wait, I forgot, poor people aren’t allowed to touch iPads. Here, why don’t you lean over my shoulder and watch me crush this level of Tiny Wings.

May 1, 2011

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