By Jeremy Hoodaman
Walking through the halls of Deerfield High School, it is not uncommon to come across the toddlers of Deer Park Childcare. Nothing is more adorable than watching the Deer Park children frolic gaily during recess or play spirited games of freeze tag on A-Deck. The children march in single file lines as they are led through the hallways, squealing with laughter and making adorable cooing noises as they hug close to one another.
With their innocent smiles and spirited play sessions, the Deer Park children do their best to remind the staff and student body that the children inside of them are dead.
As the hearts of teachers and students grow colder with each passing day, the Deerpark Kids retain a seemingly unlimited sense of joy. School administrators have become self-conscience of their own inability to appreciate or enjoy anything at all. “I hate seeing the three-year-olds from day care running around the halls,” says Kathy Lechner, a math lab tutor, “because I can’t stand the fact that they’ve yet to have the life sucked out of them by America’s corporate machine. Now I have to go file these papers. Yay.”
So too are the students of DHS incredulous of the toddlers’ ability to have pure, unadulterated fun. “Wait, so those kids are just like… playing with those stupid dolls?” junior Sammy Bloomberg asked in an interview with The Flipside. “How is that supposed to be fun? And why are they smiling if they’re not taking a picture to upload onto Facebook? This party’s blown, I’m out of here.”
The attitudes of the Deer Park children are truly confusing. How, without cell phones, hookups, and cars, do they somehow manage to love life each and every day? The only reasonable conclusion we can come to is that we cannot have fun because we’re merely shells of the fun-loving youngsters we used to be. So as those adorable little munchkins pass you in the hall and you realize that you’re never going to enjoy anything as much as those kids enjoy playing duck-duck-goose, take comfort in the fact that soon they will grow up to be as dull and lifeless as you are now.