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Miserable Couple Determined To Make It Through Prom

By Buford Stetson Despite its reputation as a care­free year, seniors have plenty to worry about. Between college ap­plications and last goodbyes, there are plenty of things for the soon-graduating…

Driver Hits Deer, Scores 100 Points

By Pierre Forte Steve “Happy” Wallenberg, man­ager of Happy’s Pizzeria, gained 100 points last night after hitting a deer as he drove home from work. Pedestrians watched as Wal­lenberg’s Jeep…

Deer Park Kids Remind Us That the Children Inside of Us Died Long Ago

By Jeremy Hoodaman Walking through the halls of Deerfield High School, it is not uncommon to come across the toddlers of Deer Park Childcare. Nothing is more adorable than watching…

Icelandic Bride-To-Be Gets Cold Feet

Teen Plays It Cool, Waits 3 Rings Before Answering

Man Furious With Botched Nosejob