Opinion: I’ll Take A Buffalo Chicken Sandwich With a Side of You

Bart “Little Man” Olykowski I’ll tell you what boys of Deerfield, if…

Student Kicked Out of Football Game for Being at Football Game

By Armando Sallywiggs DEERFIELD, IL—After being under recent scrutiny for its rules…

Google to Release New “Google Google”

Tobin Strathmore With the recent release of Google subsidiaries such as Google…

Fan Hurts Kellen Winslow’s Feelings; Winslow Out For Season

By Dudley Tenfold Former University of Miami Hurricane star tight end Kellen…

Bush: “Wouldn’t It Be Ironic If We Were All Made of Iron”

By Yancey Buttsavage WASHINGTON—This quote comes as no shock to the American…

Man Carries Around iPod Excessively; Turns into an iPod

by Professor Jahn Katsnelson EVERYWHERE, ON EARTH– Howard “Cotton” Gin was just…

Prince Charming Found to Actually Be Rather Obnoxious

BY KLAUS VAN KLISCKO A conspiracy this majestic has not hit the…

Dr. Suess Proclaims Green Eggs and Ham Unhealthy

BY HUGH OPENGARDENER SANTA FE—In a recent press statement, Dr. Cornelius Suess,…

Black Eyed Peas Want to Know What You’re Going to do With All that Junk

BY E. PETER WITZEN As part of a pop-culture jabberwocky, Fergie of…

Hurry Potter: The New Ghetto Whiz

BY ISAAC HANIQUIN HOGWARTS-The well known wizard-in-training, Harry Potter, has decided to…

Local Man Kills LaDainian Tomlinson After Poor Fantasy Performance

FLAGSTAFF ROBERTS SAN DIEGO—Four days ago, San Diego resident Rupert Vandermier was…

Congress Changes National Anthem to “Holla Back Girl”

BY GREGORY COLWEN In light of recent events and pop culture influences,…