BY KLAUS VAN KLISCKO
A conspiracy this majestic has not hit the American public since the breakup of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. We’re very sorry, you’re both so pretty. But more importantly, universal fairy tale character, Prince Charming, was found getting snooty with a valet parking attendant in downtown Neverland. The valet parking attendant, Marcus Pan, brother of long-time Neverland native Peter Pan, said “Well, I was expecting someone of his reputation and stature to be, well, less ill-tempered. I mean, he was just mean.”
The young, blonde dreamboat was spotted yelling at a young valet, later identified to be Marcus Pan, because he did not know how to take the reins of a carriage pioneered by young foals. “I only know thoroughbreds,” Pan later responded.
Prince Charming, who had just gotten engaged to Sleeping Beauty, had apparently entered this state of brutality after overdosing on some of his fiancée’s insomnia medication. This is known to be true from an earlier scene. Beauty and Charming were spotted canoodling in a park when Charming shadily reached into Beauty’s purse, rifled through her belongings and pulled out her sleep medication (Copyright laws prevent us from listing them here). Symptoms of the medication include drowsiness, grouchiness, intense vomiting, heart failure, punctured lungs, mild to violent strokes, amnesia, severe respiratory problems, failure to conduct magical spells, flu, and hair loss. Charming was experiencing none of these at all. He was, however, just really, really mad. Upon further examination by the Neverland psychologist, Dr. Hook, it was found that Prince Charming was stricken with an aggressive, intense, and hot-headed personality.
Marcus Pan stated, “This was extremely disrespectful. To my co-worker, friends, and family of little people with pointy ears. There is no time for his crudeness in a job that demands perfection. I nor anyone I work with here will tolerate anymore of his sass. Next time this happens, I’m tranquilizing Sleeping Beauty.”