by Professor Jahn Katsnelson
EVERYWHERE, ON EARTH– Howard “Cotton” Gin was just your average human being. He had a normal job that he loved, a wife that he loved dearly, but there was something else. Oh, how there was something else. “Cotton” had recieved a 1st generation iPod for his 27th birthday. Ever since then, he has been hooked to it. He often meanders around his office with it, while strumming along on the air guitar.
Co-worker and associate of Cotton for upwards of around four years, Darwin Gumphree, spoke of the problem. “It’s gotten to be pretty strange. He strolls nonchalantly about the office, while people just gawk at him hopelessly. He’s becoming a real kook.”
Nothing could have been kookier than what happened on the 10th hour of the 10th day of the 10th month of 2005. “Cotton” Gin mysteriously transformed into an iPod. People who had been fortunate enough to witness the transfiguration of Gin were utterly speechless. “It looked like his eyes changed into the Play button and the Menu button while his mouth became a perfect circle with a button in the middle. He all of a sudden had an enormous gray forehead, and a little USB port at the bottom at which he could dispense bodily fluids,” stated long-time boss R. Francis McBoro.
It appears as if these mysterious happenings have been occuring across the entire planet. It also seems like crop circles have appeared in central Kansas with designs resembling iPods. Now, this country has seen queer sights, but the queerest it ever did see, was that abstruse moment where a transformation occured in “Cotton” Gin.