BY ISAAC HANIQUIN
HOGWARTS-The well known wizard-in-training, Harry Potter, has decided to take a turn in his life after realizing that fighting Voldemort isn’t quite what it used to be anymore.
“It was an exhilarating feeling,” says the 16 year old wizard, “But after doing it six times it is getting predictable and boring.”
Harry then decided to do what any celebrity does in career crisis: he became a rap mogul. After making this decision, Harry Potter immediately changed his name to a one word; Hurrrrrry. To embark on this wild series of misadventures, he came up with a number of demo discs he recorded himself.
Soon after, the Sony Recording Company picked up Hurrrrry and helped produce his first album co-produced with the Cho Chang Clan, Get Snitch or Die Tryin’ which is scheduled to come out next September. Songs of this album include Magic Stick, Gandalf Ain’t Got Nothin’ on Me, Bust a Spell, and his single featuring best friend and fellow member of G-Unit (Gryffindor Unit) Ron Weasley; Ron Gonn’ Give it to Ya’. On his next album to be co-released with the late Sirius Black, The (Sirius) Black Album, Hurrrrrrry includes songs like My Broom on Twenty-Fo’s, Darn It Feels Good to Be a Wizard, and Hermione Granger Ain’t Nothin’ to Date With.
Other than releasing rap albums, Hurrrrry is planning on coming out with his own series of novels. These include Hurry Potter and the Goblet of Lil’ Jon, Hurry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Bling, Hurry Potter and the Brotha’s of the Phoenix, Hurry Potter and the 9mm Wand, and Hurry Potter and TriWizard Turf War.
Through all the hype, Get Snitch or Die Tryin’ will be translated into a number of languages including, Norwegian, Canadian, Latin and Parseltongue. And with the future release of The (Sirius) Black Album, rumors have escalated quickly as to Sirius Black is in fact alive and living in Madagascar allegedly recording songs sounding somewhat like “Get Tough, Get Mad, Get Agascar”. Well, that’s all the news we here at the Siren have for now regarding the Half-Blood Gangsta. Have a good year and GO BIG OR GO HOME!