BY GREGORY COLWEN
In light of recent events and pop culture influences, the United States Congress has changed its national anthem to the ever-popular jabberwocky that is “Holla Back Girl.”
Congressional spokesperson, Renard Langert, spoke of the change. “We feel as if it is very important that when the young persons of this American country recite their national anthem, they feel the effervescent need to remove their shirts, twist it around their heads, spin it like a helicopter, and shake their tailfeathers.”
Even though the current national anthem may be a little lackluster, is it really necessary to change it to a song that has taken the nation by storm?
The Pop Culture Department of Love spokesman, Quentory Stillwater said this: “Speaking personally, I love this decision. It is very befitting of this nation. ‘I ain’t no holla back girl’ really represents the liberty of this society as a whole. Because if you really think about it, aren’t we all ‘Holla back girls'”? No, not really.
Stillwater said that this country truly has “a few times been around that track. Our national anthem has been a little bit mundane, and after Congress refused to change it to ‘The World’s Greatest’, this was the next best choice.”
A controversial decision? Yes. Shocking? Maybe. Profound? Indubitably.