Townsperson #4 Nervous for Musical

By George Minkowski Despite having no individual lines, wireless microphone, or exceedingly…

Miserable Couple Determined To Make It Through Prom

By Buford Stetson Despite its reputation as a care­free year, seniors have…

Osama Bin Laden Found At Deerfield High School Turnabout

By Buford Stetson DEERFIELD, IL – Osama Bin Laden was found hiding…

Athlete Disappears, Last Seen on Adams Feild

By Elijah Brisk Nathan Hurwitz, a freshman on the Deerfield High School…

School Congratulates Everyone on Being “Blue Ribbon” Except for Area Loser

By George Minkowski DEERFIELD— As we all know, Deerfield High School was…

School Having Trouble Figuring Out Next Inconvenience

By Elijah Brisk It feels like it’s been too long. Resurfacing Waukegan…

Pubescent 13 Year Olds Now Partying Later Than High Schoolers With New Curfew

Deerfield, IL- The much-maligned new curfew has had some unintended side effects.…

Gray Trays Diversify DHS

By Picov Andropov DEERFIELD, IL – The last time Deerfield used the…

“Small” Addition to DHS Security

In a press release, the DHS head of internal security said that…