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Miserable Couple Determined To Make It Through Prom

By Buford Stetson

Despite its reputation as a care­free year, seniors have plenty to worry about. Between college ap­plications and last goodbyes, there are plenty of things for the soon-graduating class to freak out about. In addition to all of the seniors’ woes, a stress taunts the back of each se­nior’s mind with a ferocious inten­sity: going to prom.

Prom is that magical dance where every girl’s dreams come true and every guy is gets to hear about it when it doesn’t. There is planning, worrying, anxiety over which date will make the perfect social state­ment.

However, seniors Mark Green­wald and Stacy Johnson have managed to avoid all the stress of securing prom dates for that fate­ful May: by agreeing to remain in an agonizingly hostile relationship until the day after Prom. “Do I love Mark? Not anymore,” Johnson told The Flipside. “Do I like Mark? Not even a little bit. I don’t even like him as a friend anymore. But I always dreamed of going to my senior prom with my long-term boyfriend. It’s a memory every girl should have, so I’m just gonna stick it out. It’s totally worth it… right?”

“Though I do hate Mark’s guts,” she continued. “Please make sure you print that.”

Later, Mark offered The Flipside his own views on the relationship. “It’s like, what’s the point of break­ing up, you know? I mean, her mom’s met my mom, so there’s re­ally no going back at this point.”

With over six months until prom, Mark contemplated ending the relationship that was clearly not working. However, he came to the conclusion that breaking up simply was not worth the trouble, even if he wanted nothing more than to burn all his pictures of Johnson and create an account on eHarmony.com.

“I don’t wanna have to make some big statement by breaking up and then asking some new girl,” Greenberg admitted. “Plus I don’t have to, like, look for girls at par­ties. Even if Stacy destroys me emotionally sometimes, I feel like I’m gonna pull through.”

December 6, 2010

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