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Pubescent 13 Year Olds Now Partying Later Than High Schoolers With New Curfew

Deerfield, IL- The much-maligned new curfew has had some unintended side effects. The once dreaded age of puberty, filled with voice cracks and hair growing in weird places, has now become the envy of high schoolers across the Jewish parts of the United States. As Juniors scrambled to make it home from a party before 11, those thirteen year olds were still dancing until one at some seventh grader’s Bar Mitzvah.

Out of jealously or genius, there has been a startling trend of high schoolers befriending thirteen year olds/crashing their parties. They may say it is for the montages or the sweet give-aways, but according to recently pubescent Abraham Mosesberg, “I think those big kids with deep voices are just here so they can stay up past their bedtimes.”

A voice cracked filled mosh pit echoed similar sentiments, saying they were tired of high schoolers ruining the hugging game and slow dances. The nerdy kid with glasses explains, “Slow dances are the only time I can dance with a pretty girl, but with so many uninvited guests crowding the dance floor, I can barely trap Becky at an awkward time where she has no choice but to say yes.” One thing no one can explain, however, is the sudden dramatic increase in Bar-Mitzvah’s food and drink bill.

December 15, 2008

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