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School Having Trouble Figuring Out Next Inconvenience

By Elijah Brisk
It feels like it’s been too long. Resurfacing Waukegan Road’s sidewalks and the sudden mutilation and gradual repair of the school’s entrance seems like ancient history, but now it’s starting to look like they are stumped.
“We just don’t know what else to do,” explains District 113 Board member Gerald White. “We’ve tried and tried, but we just can’t think of anything else to make the DHS experience more painful.” In the past, the District 113 Board have prided themselves on their ability to constantly bombard the school with construction at the most inopportune times. From the roaring jackhammers on the roof during class to the renovations in the gymnasiums at the height of basketball season, I once wondered if they were perhaps too good at their jobs.
I was wrong.
Now, to start the new school year, the high school seems awfully lonely without the construction workers to give you that warm welcome in the morning or the slow-moving lifts to keep you company in the halls.
“Not only are we letting ourselves down, we are letting the children down,” adds White.
The only noticeable attempt at hindering the learning atmosphere has been the ever-present “Caution: Slippery When Wet/Piso Mojado” signs that served as nothing but eye candy as it rained the first week of school.
At The Flipside, we notice dozens of things each day that are totally fine but would probably have some minor flaws warranting major construction in the eye’s of the administration. Here is a list of just a few of them:
1. Millions of little holes from pencils being thrown into the ceiling
2. Paint chipping in the hallways
3. The dozens of stopping-then-starting clocks around the school
4. The control-alt-delete screen being way too wide on most of the new computers
5. Many of the armrests in the auditorium have broken off and are now extremely wobbly
So, a message for the District 113 Board: Please stop cutting frivolous construction projects! We miss you and are growing tired of this peaceful learning environment. Without you, all may be lost.

September 19, 2009

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