Homeroom Rep Discovers That Moment of Silence Best Time to Make Announcements

DEERFIELD, IL—Due to a near complete lack of interest in Student Council,…

Breathtaking Botanic Garden Website Renders Real Botanic Garden Useless

By Picov Andropov HIGHLAND PARK, IL – The Chicago Botanic Garden has…

Deerfield Police Mistake Math Lab for “Meth Lab”

By George Minkowski DEERFIELD, IL—Deerfield High School junior Michele Goldiner volunteered to…

D-Hall Water Fountains Found to Contain Traces of Yellow Gatorade

DEERFIELD, IL—In a recent report by the Illinois Health in Education Association,…

Opinion: This Whole Deal With Angels in America is Just So Gay

By Freddy Teenager NORTHBROOK, IL—I’ve only been following this media frenzy from…

Clemens Tells Congress They Have Just Been “Punk’d”

By Gordon Swift WASHINGTON, D.C.—In one of the most shocking moments of…

Ask Mr. Motzko: Shortcuts and Buckets

Ask Mr. Motzko Dear Mr. Motzko I was just driving home from…

Random Acts of Kindness Day Goes Exactly As Planned

By Funky DelPueblo DEERFIELD, IL—After several months of hard work and preparation,…