DEERFIELD, IL—Due to a near complete lack of interest in Student Council, a helpless homeroom representative has resorted to crime in order to spread news about a food pantry sale or something. The crime: breaking a state mandated moment of silence. However, flamboyant student council representative Zack Wolf felt he had no choice, just like with abortion. ‘How can I tell the kids about the used sock drive if they won’t listen!? The only time those scoundrels aren’t talking is during that moment of silence. And the pledge.’
Zack is not alone. In fact, almost all homerooms do not give their reps time to talk, which leads these resume building students to seek desperate measures. As Ari Richmond explains, ‘I just had to tell my H.R. about the leftovers drive, but I couldn’t find time to talk. Yet, it was a tornado drill that day so when the inspectors weren’t walking around, I got up and made my announcements. Take that, you rascals!’
Unfortunately for Ari, a over-serious homeroom teacher full-on body tackled her when she stood up, braking three bones and her heart.