DEERFIELD, IL—In a recent report by the Illinois Health in Education Association, it was revealed that the drinking fountains outside of D-Hall at Deerfield High School produce water that does not meet water-quality standards for the state. Not only that, the yellow hue of the water led many of the researches to confuse it for yellow Gatorade.

Further investigation revealed that the water is in fact not from a Deerfield Reservoir, and was part of a pipeline confusion from the recent gas leak construction Water Analysis expert Howard Brunold explained, ‘It just didn’t make sense. F-Hall was giving first rate water. So was the boys’ locker room and X-hall for that matter. This water was not from any reservoir in Deerfield, let alone Lake County.’

The origins of the foreign water have not yet been discovered, but traces of sugar, magnesium, and other electrolytes were found. Investigators have begun testing the most at-risk users of the water, and have found them to be much more hydrated than those who are drinking out of normal water fountains.

One D-Hall water fountain user, freshman Paul Illiet commented, ‘I just thought that shade of water meant that it was bad, or that it was accidentally rerouted from the bathrooms.’

The researchers have still not ruled this out as a possibility.

Several radical experts have claimed that this may not be a case of Gatorade at all, but the much diluted Propel or Gatorade Rain. ‘This would explain the slight yellowish tint,’ explains Dr. Omanquinon. However, this is all water under the bridge in light of the Extreme Cuisine scandal.

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