By George Minkowski

DEERFIELD, IL—Deerfield High School junior Michele Goldiner volunteered to give the Deerfield police a tour of the school last week in order to help familiarize them with the school in case of an emergency. The tour was going as planned until the group stopped at the base of the stairs to upper ‘X Hall.’

‘We got to the stairs and I explained what was ahead. I said there were more math and science classrooms as well as math lab in room X-202,’ Michele says to Flipside reporters. ‘Everything went down hill from there.’

The jaws of the four Deerfield police men and women on the tour dropped as they heard this. Michele saw the look of disgust and anger in the eyes of the police officers. She expected what they were appalled about, but before she could explain what she meant, the four officers were up the stairs with their weapons and handcuffs out.

‘I was just studying for a geometry test I had next period when the raid began,’ one of the math-lab-goers explained. ‘They yelled at us to put our hands behind our heads and get on the ground. Needless to say, I was scared.’

The raid continued for about 30 seconds until one the officers decided to question the supervisor at the front of the room. ‘Where’s the stuff?’ the officer yelled at the frightened supervisor. The supervisor, Ms. Hsu, who expected what they were looking for, explained to them that the room that the police officers had just besieged was a math lab not a meth lab.

The embarrassed police officers then apologized for their intrusion and backed out of the room. ‘Whoops,’ said one of the police officers in their statement. ‘We were expecting meth when instead we found congruent triangles and logarithmic differentiation.’

Ms. Hsu explained to Flipside reporters that incidents like this happen all the time. She says, ‘We should rename the math lab to the mathematics laboratory so it is no longer mistaken for a meth lab, because last time I checked, math is not an illegal, addicting, and dangerous drug.’ Newsflash Ms. Hsu: Times have changed.

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