Student Fears He Might Be Republican, Rejected By Family and Friends

It’s that magical time again, the presidential primaries! For most students this means the wonder of listening to Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin and laughing derisively at the face of America. But for some, primary time can be a confusing and even frightening time, full of conflicting ideas and self-doubt.

Such is the case for Daniel Robson, who fears he might be Republican.
“It all started back in middle school,” Robson told reporters, “I always felt like I was different from the other kids. While all the guys were complaining about the Bush tax cuts, I was examining the concept of ‘job creators’ and I felt like there was something valid there. It was as if some part of me that I’d been closeting away was crying out to be set free.”

He went on to talk about how he had experimented with Republicanism, sneaking around on the internet late at night to see prominent Republican figures talking.

“It’s really hard, feeling Republican in Deerfield,” said Robson tearfully. “Everyone is so liberal, they all expect you to laugh along with them when they call Palin a bimbo; I feel so trapped!”

Robson’s parents said in a written statement, “It is very difficult to hear that your son may be Republican. While as a parent one always wants to give a child unconditional love, the notion that our child, who we raised with the same liberal ideals we were raised with, could become a right-winger is repulsive.”

“I don’t understand why everyone has to be so obsessed with labels!” exclaimed Robson in a fit of hysteria, “I wish there was some other option, so I didn’t have to choose between just Democrats and Republicans!”

Ralph Nader said something to this, but no one was paying attention.

July 29, 2012

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