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Cuppy Coffee Admits To Steroid Use For Dunkin Donuts® Races

By Jefferey Hoodaman

CHICAGO, IL — Track star Cuppy Coffee has acknowledged using steroids to prepare for nu­merous Dunkin Donuts® Races. He is scheduled to plead guilty today in New York to two counts of lying to federal agents about his drug use and for spilling all over a Chicago businessman’s lap, permanently staining his fresh pair of slacks.

Jones, who won hundreds races held in the United Center, said he took a steroid, known on the black market as “Java Chip,” for two years beginning in 2002, ac­cording to a letter released to the public.

“I want to apolo­gize to you all for all of this,” Cof­fee said. “Though I am proud of my fans for redeeming the free cappuci­nos that my victo­ries guaranteed, I am sorry for disap­pointing you all in so many ways.”

Coffee’s admissions could cost him several hundred gold medals he won during timeouts during the late third quarter of Chicago Bulls’ home games. Coffee’s ad­mission enlarges the cloud of doubt hov­ering over Dunkin Donuts races, which have been tarred in recent years with accusations of per­formance-enhance­ment. “Frankly, I’m not surprised,” World Anti-Doping Chairman Dick­Pound said in a tele­phone interview. “I’ve always been suspicious…I guess Coffee’s just never been my cup of tea.”

January 9, 2011

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