Students Develop Fear of Bubbles in Wake of Standardized Testing

depressed-loser By: Jeffery Hoodman
A disturbing trend has surfaced in Deerfield High School following recently administered standardized tests; multiple students have reported to their counselors that they have developed an irrational fear of bubbles. This fast-growing fear has been dubbed “bubbliphobia” by local experts.

Sophomore Carly Beckett is one of many that have been afflicted with this disorder. She describes her horror of the spherical geometric figures as developing after being handed the answer sheet to her test.

“They handed me a piece of paper with hundreds of small circles printed on it, and I got goose bumps. Soon afterwards my vision started to blur.”

Beckett began to shake uncontrollably as she started the math portion of her test. The fear overtook her and she could no longer fill in the circles. “The sight of all of those bubbles overwhelmed my senses… I could smell them, feel them… It was just awful. I lost control.”

Beckett then fled the scene and ran wildly down Waukegan Avenue. On-goers reported hearing screams about “multiple choice” and “#2 pencils.”

Theresa Werlington, mother of junior Chase Werlington, says that in addition to the small circles found on Scan-Trons, her son has also become afraid of all manifestations of bubbles.

“Chase has stopped using shampoo and soap because he is afraid of the bubbles, and I haven’t gotten him to shower in several weeks. He also refuses to drink any sodas because the carbonation makes his skin crawl. And yesterday my Tae Bo video tape came in the mail, but Chase lit it on fire because it was shipped with bubble wrap.”

Bubbliphobia is now the second most common irrational fear in the student demographic, with the first being the devastating freeresponsiphobia, for which medical experts have still not found a solution.

January 2, 2009

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