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Juniors Use Leftover Baking Flour in Courtyard for Giant Cake

After an unpublicized incident in the school courtyard, several hundred juniors scrounged up the baking flour for one purpose—sponge cake. The most elusive of all white, puffy cakes, the sponge cake is a coveted delicacy the juniors wished to create. As many people do not know, sponge cake can only be made with flour picked up off the ground by seniors throwing it for a senior prank. Therefore, this endeavor was an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

The head of the Junior Pastry Team Hugh Muffen has been having a difficult time leading this project. “The main problem is, the seniors are too perfect. They never do anything against school policy and are incredibly kind to underclassmen.” This fact could not be denied because there was not one instance where seniors dropped stinkbombs on the X-hall stairs. Muffen is hoping for a little more luck in the ingredient department as he waits for the seniors to cover the I and J hallways with copious amounts of raw eggs. Senior Jackie Sun thinks that this is a “totally safe idea where like no one can get hurt…unless they’re stupid.”

Jackie Sun and Hugh Muffen have been dating ever since their escapade in detention after they both were caught buying cafeteria food without an ID. Under the watchful eye of Ms. Hurdler, Sun played games on the computer and did not get caught. Sources say that they have been collaborating on the senior pranks all year and plan on one last prank. “We were going to buy 3 pigs numbered 1, 2, and 4 and set them loose in the school, but the pigs we bought never came with a number on their backs,” Sun reflects. “This was the most original idea I have ever come up with and no one in my school had ever heard about it.” As school deans are cracking down on the culprits, Muffen takes his time to make a life-size replica of Tim Tebow and stick him inside the sponge cake.

The sponge cake is a culmination of all the time the juniors did not spend studying for the Prairie State ACT with no writing. And to all those expectant sophomores out there, Muffen says “Don’t worry, when we are finished eating our cake, you can pick up the scraps off the floor and make doughnut holes.”

 

 

August 2, 2012

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