cell-phoneBy George Minkowski

DEERFIELD, IL— Deerfield’s strictly enforced and highly punishable anti-phone rule is enough to keep many students’ phones in their lockers, but a brave few take on the risk of texting in class, many of them, unsuccessful.

Kevin Mead is a DHS junior who is known for his insane texting skills. He can text behind his back, under a binder, and even in his classmate’s Jew-fro, but none of these techniques saved him from being caught by Mrs. Richardson last Friday during 5th period English.

During silent reading, Mrs. Richardson looked up to see Kevin in the back row clearly hiding something behind his upside down copy of Twilight. The teacher asked what Kevin was doing and Kevin quickly replied, “Just finishing up some math homework. Sorry, I’ll put it away.”

Mrs. Richardson was ‘chill’ and let it go until Kevin’s backpack started to vibrate several minutes later. She told Kevin to give her his phone but Kevin insisted that he left his phone at home and that his alarm clock was the source of the noise.

Kevin was forced to surrender his ‘alarm clock’ to Mrs. Richardson.

“I knew that Verizon Wireless does not make alarm clocks,” Richardson tells Flipside reporters. “So I told him he could pick his ‘alarm clock’ in the dean’s office after school.”

Appalled by Mrs. Richardson’s accusation, Kevin clarified that many of today’s alarm clocks have other useful features like calculators, games, calendars, and even fully functional phones, but that doesn’t make them phones.

“Paris Hilton made herself a sandwich once, but that doesn’t make her a chef,” Kevin explained. “Every now and then my alarm clock sends a text message, but does that make it a phone?”

Apparently they don’t make alarm clocks like they used to.

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