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Toll Booths Installed in Halls to Increase Funding

Bo Obama Eats Own Vomit, Is Adorable

Junior Makes Bad Choices Over Weekend

By George Minkowski DEERFIELD— Upon leaving classes before the weekend, three words are ubiquitous among teachers. It is advice that started being given to high-school students during the 60s around…

Biology Fetal Pig Dissection Exposes Sadist

By Gunther Hausman DEERFIELD—For the past week, Joe Wagner’s third period Honors Biology class has been dissecting fetal pigs as part of their study of Anatomy and Physiology. While this…

Where’s Waldo? Longest “Hide-And-Go-Seek” Game In History Ends

A new world record was set last week, here in the quaint town of Deerfield. The longest hide-and-go-seek game on record was finished when Samantha Keebler found Waldo Scottsdale after…

College Rejection Letter

Although we had a historically low amount of applicants, we cannot offer you a spot at Basic U. Quite frankly, you suck. The class of 2013 is going to be…

Math Teacher Assigns All Even Problems: What the Hell is His Problem?!

2-24, all even. I thought slave labor ended years ago. This is unbefreckinglievable. I hope my math teacher gets his hand stuck in his new fandangled protractor or something because…

Flipside, Administration So Close to Destroying Deerprints

After working hand in hand with the school board, we almost destroyed the last source of written word that contains fact. Just think: we were one step away from the…

To Homework or Not To Homework

Umm, what do I do now? After working my tucas off for four years, I am in to college. I am not allowed to care about my homework. I’m a…

High School Teachers Across the Nation Haze Students

Hazing: an older person subjecting a younger person to a right of initiation. By this definition, which is far more specific and detailed than that of the student handbook, it…

Thousands Miss Outdoor Show; Assumed it was Actually Outdoors

Good ideas do not come around very often. So brace yourself for a brilliant idea: the DHS Outdoor Show. Considering the recent success of outdoor related retail stores in Deerfield,…

Seniors Try to Downplay Admission Excitement—Aren’t Fooling Anybody

Modesty is important. But so is letting people know you got into the University of Indiana. Hells yeah. You’re going to school with your boyyysss. They know that. Most of…

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