By Picov Andropov

DEERFIELD, IL – What man can say that he has never thought of pulling the fire alarm? Well, a blind one I guess; but then again, perhaps he, too. Its greatness is measured not only by its sleek red and white design, shiny plastic cover, and simple directions, but by its power. That is why it has tempted me so.

I choose not to unleash its destruction because it lies all the way over there. The consequences don’t bother me. Is it too much to ask for a conveniently placed fire alarm? I don’t want to have to walk to P hall to find one. I don’t have time for that. I say we should live in a world where there is a fire alarm next to every light switch. Why do light switches have more rights than fire alarms? We need to think safety here.

I for one believe that a world with more fire alarms ensures us all a safer and much more intriguing future. The phrase “fire drill” will take on completely new meaning. What is that ringing? It is the sound of love.

+ posts
You May Also Like

Cubs Fill City With False Hope Yet Again

Carlos Zambrano approached the podium today, cool, calm, and collected. He told…

School Freezes Due to Gum in Heaters

Hell has finally frozen over. Well, I guess that’s only if you…

“Ah-Ha!” Moment Faked

By George Minkowski There is nothing worse than asking a question, not…

Bears Try New Strategy: Offense

The 2009 Bears are trying something they haven’t even attempted in over…