By Picov Andropov
DEERFIELD, IL –In the middle of arguing that the era of Jacksonian Democracy was improperly titled, Deerfield Junior Orson Buggy’s newly purchased pen began to run out of ink.
Being prepared for situations like this, and without a spare pen, Buggy had purchased a Staples Easy Button to quickly relieve himself of insufficient supplies. Removing the red button with white letters spelling the word “easy” from his backpack beside him, Orson pushed it to the unpleasant surprise that nothing happened.
“I kinda got the impression from the commercials,” Buggy explained, “that the button would easily replace any office supply I needed more of.” To Orson’s dismay, no pens, or even ink for that matter, fell from the sky. “I pushed it several times, yet my pen was still out of ink…. People looked at me as if I was crazy.” One onlooker stated that, “[Orson] appeared to be fascinated by not only its shiny texture, but its size and depth at which it could be pushed down.”
Forced to finish the test nonetheless, Orson barrowed a 1st Class pencil from the annoying girl behind him who always confused Hamilton with Jefferson. Although he argued his point well and even gave some evidence as to refute his claim, just to show he could be complex, his teacher refused to read it, causing him to end up with a grade of a zero on his exam.
Buggy’s lawyer questions the truthfulness of the Staples advertising campaign and slogan, “that was easy.”
“It actually wasn’t easy,” exclaimed his lawyer, “the button simply did not serve its advertised function.” Orson is ready to press charges against the false advertising and wants his $5.59 refunded.
Staples was willing to release the following statement, “Easy Button is a service mark of Staples the Office Superstore, LLC. Made in China.” They seem to have the issue well in hand.
When asked for comment again, Staples stated that they planned to use the easy button to produce more easy buttons, which hopefully would function correctly.