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Pessimist is Sure the Glass is Half Empty
BY FRANCO WENHART I hate it when you people tell me the glass is half full. As if you would know! You don’t even have the foggiest idea. Who do…
Realist Verifies Existence of Water in the Glass
BY JONATHON CORTAUX Just look at it. It seems rather evident to me. There is water in that glass. I’m going to tell it straight to you. I’m not going…
Child Labor is A-OK
By Cool Ted What’s up America? Teddy here, with the usual scoop. Alright, so we all know that the economy bites the big one. But how can our nation solve…
Opinion: “Well what if I want to be extinct?”
By Shi “The Rock” Shi San Diego Zoo—I can’t do it. I’m sorry America. I’m sorry China, and I’m sorry to all of the patrons at the San Diego Zoo.…
You Really Must Wish You Were My Dog
BY VLAD VILSENT If there is one person whom I envy, any one person, it would have to be a great person. I’m pretty full of myself and therefore I…
MOVIES: Why couldn’t “Munich” be more about the Olympics?
By Bosco Cheyenne No wonder the holiday-season movies underperformed! I walked into the new Steven Spielberg film “Munich” expecting a “Miracle”-like feel good romp about Olympic athletes overcoming the adversity…
That Last Issue Was Just Horrid!
PROFESSOR JAHN What was that garbage? The entire last issue was pompous and rude. I expect a cleaner brand of comedy. Pst. When I picked up the first issue of…
OK, Come on Teachers, What’s up With All This Homework?
By Melbo Azurky DEERFIELD- All right everyone, I’ve been going to school for all this time and I have a big question for all of you. What’s up with all…