By Cool Ted

What’s up America? Teddy here, with the usual scoop. Alright, so we all know that the economy bites the big one. But how can our nation solve this problem, you ask? Teddy boy has your answer.

How about child labor? Works for me. Child labor is awesome! I’m not a child, you’re not a child, it’s all good. If some children can’t even tie their own shoes, how do you expect them not to work? Look, I don’t like Hua Mei either, but that is not going to solve this problem. The only thing solution is every child with a rake in one hand and a hoe in the other.

Child labor! What’s the downside?

Who cares about pandas when you have child labor? Besides, child labor can keep hope alive for the panda species. Children in China be laborin’, and they’ve got like a bazillion panda’s.

Ted hereby proposes that every child do every type of labor imaginable. I outlined my proposed laws with Ted’s Seven Awesomely Scientific Laws Of Child Labor:

1. I said it once and I’ll say it again. Child labor is awesome.
2. White labor, black labor, tall labor, short labor. Ain’t nothing compare to child labor.
3. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for Teddy. These children get upset ‘bout being shoe-tying in some factory, but as soon as they see a smile on Teddy’s face, they’ll know that it’s all good.
4. Teddy’s read a few magazines in his day, so he knows what’s best for the kids.
5. Name something wrong with child labor in less than one word. Didn’t think so.
6. We’re all living in the past for being opposed to child labor. Put down your ham radios and bring on the child labor.
7. Children are our most valuable resource. Thus, we need to exploit them as much as possible.

So while you’re all worried about pandas, we have a real situation on our hands. And that situation will be made 10 times more awesome through child labor.

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