Opinion: “Well what if I want to be extinct?”

By Shi “The Rock” Shi San Diego Zoo—I can’t do it. I’m…

Citing Lack of Presidential Achievement, Bush Unifies the Dakotas

By Winston Llental Recently, immediately after realizing that he was indeed President,…

Tennis Superstar Parents Unimpressed by Son’s Artistic Talent

By Huey Caquest Husband and wife Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf are…

Barry Bonds Tests Positive for Spinach

By Vernon Zexis SAN FRANCISCO—After numerous steroid allegations that have been placed…

FDA Approves Drug to Cure Senioritis

BY POLSTER HUE DEERFIELD—With the coming of the second semester, there have…