Arnold Schwarzenberger had been an underachiever all his life and sophomore year was no different. Schwarzenberger had already opted to take Honors Pre-Calculus and Honors Chemistry instead of Honors Chinese to have an easier schedule. And while this was acceptable to his incredibly average, middle-class parents, his father Igor was outraged to hear that his son was dropping AP psychology. Igor told The Flipside, “How can he go to college without taking a ‘rigorous core curriculum’?” as he read the websites of every single college in America. Arnold’s friends considered dropping AP Psychology as embarrassing as getting an A- in aquatics and urged him to reconsider. It was to no avail as Arnold went on to pick up AP U.S. History as a “blow-off” class. “I mean, I should be able to relax in at least one of my classes this year. I heard that World War I should be pretty chill,” he admitted while adjusting his legendary Toga Tuesday costume.

Arnold proclaimed that the full first day of school is to blame for his change of heart. “Do you know how hard it is to come up with, like, 5 different things about yourself in 8 classes? I usually never have to come up with anything unique because my class periods end after taking attendance.” Arnold complained. He was afraid like many other students that he would make fateful eye contact with his teacher and proceed to talk about something that made him look not average.

A recent poll was taken by The Flipside to help Arnold figure out what the best answers were to the various super-original icebreaker activities. It turned out that a 56 out of the 58 participants discussed their high school sport (as long as it was not bowling) while the other two students talked about a random family member, but who really cares.

Arnold Schwarzenberger has taken our poll to heart and is planning to tell his AP U.S. History teacher about his prolific Fresh- man Football long snapping career. Arnold told the Flipside after he successfully changed his class schedule, “If you cry and scream enough, anything’s possible—Just like Kevin Garnett said.”

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