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Junior Makes Bad Choices Over Weekend

By George Minkowski
DEERFIELD— Upon leaving classes before the weekend, three words are ubiquitous among teachers. It is advice that started being given to high-school students during the 60s around the time of Woodstock and has been passed down to us. “Make good choices.”
DHS Junior Greg Morgan ignored this advice as he left school last Friday, and proudly reports that he indeed did not make good choices over his two day hiatus from school and acted in a manner that the faculty would find regrettable.
“Make good choices? Psh. As if. During my weekend, I made bad choices everyday,” Greg tells Flipside reporters. “It was awesome. Me and my friends, hangin’ out, doing things my teachers would object to. Now that is how you spend a weekend.”
According to Greg, not all of the bad decisions he made were related to drugs and alcohol, although many of them were. Morgan also lit [stuff] on fire and bought 20 shares of GM and invested in several other American industrial companies.
Even after loosing $1,000, his parents’ trust, and his eyebrows after an unfortunate incident with a bottle of Axe and a lighter, Morgan claims to have no regrets, but this reporter knows that Greg’s purposeless rebellion against a well-meaning authority will just be an unpleasant memory in his future, if not, his punishment is certainly enough to make anyone think twice about what they have done.
Greg is now serving two consecutive life in-school detentions without the possibility for parole.

September 19, 2009

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