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Toll Booths Installed in Halls to Increase Funding

Bo Obama Eats Own Vomit, Is Adorable

Junior Makes Bad Choices Over Weekend

By George Minkowski DEERFIELD— Upon leaving classes before the weekend, three words are ubiquitous among teachers. It is advice that started being given to high-school students during the 60s around…

Biology Fetal Pig Dissection Exposes Sadist

By Gunther Hausman DEERFIELD—For the past week, Joe Wagner’s third period Honors Biology class has been dissecting fetal pigs as part of their study of Anatomy and Physiology. While this…

Where’s Waldo? Longest “Hide-And-Go-Seek” Game In History Ends

A new world record was set last week, here in the quaint town of Deerfield. The longest hide-and-go-seek game on record was finished when Samantha Keebler found Waldo Scottsdale after…