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“Grandpa Discovers the Internet” Local Teen Reports

“Oh, grandson! It’s been too long since I’ve last seen you! I know, I know, I’m sorry that I missed your birthday dinner at that crazy restaurant where they cook in front of you. I heard it was wonderful, but I can explain. You see, just the other day, your uncle showed me this crazy new invention. It’s called the Intronet… or the internets? Something like that. It’s amazing! I never knew the computer could do other things besides play solitaire. You know, I’m not usually a big fan of your generation’s fads, but I think the Internets might be almost as popular as these funny hats we used to wear, back when I was your age.
The internets is fantastic! Apparently your grandmother has some serious competition, because more than a few hot Glencoe singles want to chat with me!
Also, big news! I’m the long lost heir of a Nigerian prince who just recently passed away and left millions of dollars just for me! A nice fellow sent me a message saying that I could get a hold of the inheritance if I pay the legal fees! I used your Hanukkah gift money to pay for the transaction, which I hope you don’t mind. But when the money comes back to us, you’ll be able to buy the entire internets if you want! And won’t that be something?
Oh, and the e-mails I get… grandson, you wouldn’t believe it! I’m so good with forwarding chain mail. There is no way that your grandmother won’t kiss me tomorrow. And I’ve received pictures of kittens that would melt your little heart.
Speaking of which, Larry from bridge club had a heart attack last week. He opened a video I sent him, thinking it was a clip from “The Sound of Music”, but was shocked to find Rick Astley singing “Never Gonna Give You Up”.
Upon being Rickrolled, he suffered cardiac arrest and was rushed to the emergency room. What a chump!
It’s been nice chatting with you, grandson. I’d love to talk longer, but I’m in the middle of creating a Line Rider track in the shape of the spider veins on my left arm. Follow me on Twitter!”
Sent from Borris’ iPhone

September 19, 2009

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