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World Language Teachers’ Carts Hold Plenty of Secrets

By Herbie Karjoj DEERFIELD, IL – Every DHS student has knocked into one of the Spanish teachers at Deerfield High School while they were towing around their ubiquitous beige metal…

That’s Right, Tipper Gore is Single

BP Executives Develop Plan to Save Oil, Maybe Animals

By George Minkowski “Boom” went the oilrig 40 miles off the coast of Louisiana on April 20, 2010. “Uh-oh” went the United States Coast Guard two days after the explosion…

Movie Critic Uncomfortable Being Only Adult in Movie Theater

By Gunter Hausman NEW YORK CITY— Roger Lumenick, film critic from the New York Times, tried his best to fight his most recent assignment but ultimately failed. As a result,…

Class Discussion Dominated by Only Student to Read Book

Obligatory Lost Headline Brings Little Closure to Fans

Flipside’s Liberal Bias Obvious Following Decision to Print Unflattering Picture of Glenn Beck for No Reason

District 113’s 3rd Annual Publicity Stunt Turning Out to be Best One Yet

By George Minkowski In 2008, District 113 received a lot of media attention for teaching the Pulitzer Prize-winning drama “Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes.” In 2009,…

Witness: Lebron James Announces Solo Basketball Career

By Jeremy Hoodaman In a surprise press conference held yesterday, Lebron James announced his intentions to compete in the NBA as a one-man team. The news came amidst rumors that…

K-9 Unit Takes Bite Out of Crime, Terrorist’s Leg

94% of DHS Teachers Report “I’ll Miss the Seniors! Wait. Are They Gone? Finally.”

Prairie State Exam Reveals Majority of DHS Juniors Unprepared to Run Farm

By George Minkowski DEERFIELD, IL— The Prairie State Achievement Test was designed to test students’ knowledge of science trivia, sign reading, and Illinois-related math skills. The test was implemented in…

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