BY ANGEL GILMORE
DEERFIELD, IL—Thousands of game-players were shocked to discover that, in the mad chaos of purchasing as many gifts as they could hold, they now owned Microsoft’s Xbox 180 instead of the 360.
“I couldn’t believe it when my mom came home from waiting outside in the cold for hours and brought home this piece of junk instead of what I wanted,” said pissed off 16-year-old Dennis Flinch. He explained that his mother had volunteered for him to wait outside Best Buy so that he could get the full amount of sleep he needed to be a successful student the next day at school. Of course, little sleep was actually garnered from that night, as he waited up for hours imagining what his fabulous new game console would be like. And trying to ignore his pleas of help from his dad to do everything his mom normally does. But that’s not the point.
“It’s only half as good,” Flinch added.
The Xbox 180, priced at $200, is compatible with all Xbox games, but only allows players to complete half of any game.
To some, this is a bonus that the other versions didn’t offer. “This is great!” exclaimed 30-year-old Ned Cohen. “Now I don’t feel pressure to complete the entire game in just a few days like all my friends do. Since I’m stopped halfway, I can beat it in a lot less time than they can…wait, hang on. WHAT WAS THAT, MOM?…NO, I DON’T WANT ANY RICE KRISPY TREATS! CAN’T YOU SEE I HAVE VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE OVER?!?!”
When asked to comment further, Cohen replied, “I’M SURE THEY DON’T WANT ANY EITHER!” The interview, unfortunately, had to be cut short at that point due to extreme embarrassment on Cohen’s part. Authorities were called in to the scene to resuscitate him.
Flinch holds a very different view than Cohen. “Anyone who stops playing halfway through is lame. The point of the Xbox is to finish a game, not wander through and stop when the system tells you to. I’m my own ruler! I don’t need the system to tell me when to stop! That’s what the GAME is for!”
Debate rages on regarding the 180. When asked to comment, Bill Gates, owner and creator of Microsoft, said he was too busy playing with his Gamecube.