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Entire Senior Class Held Back

By Angel Gilmore DEERFIELD, IL—In an executive decision made by Dr. Roberto Floopdimallie, DHS principal extraordinaire, the entire senior class of 2006 will not be graduating this year. “It was…

DHS Spanish Teacher to Co-Star in Upcoming Antonio Banderas Movie

By Angel Gilmore It was announced earlier this week that Profesora Lupe Vicario has been hired to act alongside world-renowned actor Antonio Banderas in his upcoming new film. “I’m just…

Local Synagogue Cantor Signs $4 Million Recording Contract with Sony

BY ANGEL GILMORE NORTHFIELD, IL—The North Shore Jewish community was stunned in a recent announcement that Andrea Zorenstein, cantor at Temple Jerebethtikvah, has signed a $4 million recording contract with…

Angry Consumers Discover They Purchased Xbox 180 By Accident

BY ANGEL GILMORE DEERFIELD, IL—Thousands of game-players were shocked to discover that, in the mad chaos of purchasing as many gifts as they could hold, they now owned Microsoft’s Xbox…