by Captain Underscoreboard

It was a dark and stormy night. The pitter-patter of rain on the windowsill reminded the young stable boy how much work could be done if only it wasn’t raining. He sat in the stable, as many stable boys do, and looked upon his most faithful of steeds.

This is not the story of a stable boy.

This last weekend at the local Chili’s Bar and Grill, a seemingly average family entered the confines of the restaurant in search of a home-cooked meal. But all was not as plain and simple as it seemed. For as the family was to be taken to there seats, the eldest 14 year old son noticed a trend that was strikingly familiar.

“They did it again mom, they gave me that stupid children’s menu again,” said Bernie Borgenstein to the dismay of his family and other people in the restaurant. “Every time they do this, it’s like they think I’m not mature enough for the big boy menus. At this rate, I’m never going to get a girlfriend.”

At receiving the childrens menu he turned a bright scarlet in the cheeks and made all efforts to switch seats. He then threw a temper tantrum like a 7 year old.

“I was actually quite appalled by my son’s behavior that evening, I usually don’t allow the word stupid to be used in my house. From the looks of that temper tantrum, he probably should have gotten that kids menu!” declared Marlene, the boy’s embarrassed mother.

“He really was creating quite a scene,” busboy Chuck Sanderwagon said.

However, this wasn’t the first time this has happened to Bernie. His short stature and cliché Jewish name has caused him to receive endless turmoil from his peers, teachers, family members, and assorted elected local officials.

Friends would be among that list if he had them, which to numerous reports he doesn’t. When asked about the friends he doesn’t have, young Bernie replied, “I don’t do friends.”

“I just thought he might want something to play with, he seemed like one of the lonely sorts of people that come every Tuesday night for Bingo and sample Chili’s cheeses,” said hostess Victoria Buckingham, “I mean who doesn’t love crayons!”

When asked about the state of Chili’s after the event, busboy Chuck Sanderwagon was quoted saying, “I wish not to be quoted.”

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