water-boarding Hazing: an older person subjecting a younger person to a right of initiation. By this definition, which is far more specific and detailed than that of the student handbook, it has become increasingly evident that teachers are hazing their students. Administrations across the US are banning teachers from instructing before finals, and in severe cases, AP tests.

Though the students are compliant with the teachers’ actions, it is still hazing according to the powers that be. For example, teachers regularly issue multiple-choice tests where you must choose the best answer. When there exists more than one right answer, students have their hands tied. This, of course, is hazing.

This is only the tip of the teacher-student hazing iceberg. A vast majority of tests are closed note. In other words, student must take tests blind, without resources to save them. This literal and metaphorical blindfold allows for unsuspected questions, which equates to a strong right hook into the student’s gut. These tests reveal a lack of knowledge like pulling down a kid’s boxers reveals small cajones. It is embarrassing. It is torture.

The most inappropriate hazing occurs outside of the classroom. Already bruised by the brutal hand dryers, students may meet their worst nightmare: seeing a teacher outside of school. This leads in a right of initiation, the incredibly awkward “hello.” The last thing a student wants to do after running into a teacher at the grocery store (seriously, what are they doing at a grocery store? I thought they live off of Sodexho and student’s tears!) is see that teacher again in school. This is torture. The younger student will again have to make some embarrassing comment like, “how funny it is that I saw you at Dominick’s” or “stop following me you devil spawn” to the older teacher.

It is time to recognize hazing. Those supposed adults take our hard work and drive around with it in their trunks. They stack students on top of each other. Student’s work, I mean. Though the Deerfield Police and general public are aware of such activities, that does not make them right. Only one solution remains to restore the lost dignity caused by teacher’s hazing rituals such as tests, homework, and attendance policies: extra credit. Lots and lots of extra credit.

You are hazing someone if you have done any of the following:

1. Committed a foul in a contact sport when scrimmaging or playing a younger person
2. Gone to the bathroom in a urinal next to a younger student
3. Spoken to somebody or some animal in a language they do not understand (animal hazing often goes unnoticed)
4. Breathed on someone when you have bad breath
5. Waterboarding
6. Anything else GBN did

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