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New ARC to Only Teach Biblical Stuff

F-HALL—Last Wednesday, The Flipside discovered that the ARC that everybody thought they knew was really a conspiracy to impart knowledge of the Old Testament on DHS students.

While many students thought they would be able to receive help on their math homework in this new facility, it was reported that only simple addition would be covered in the new location. As area calculus teacher Trent Shelley de- scribed, “there is only one type of math that is important for DHS students as they progress into the real world and that is being able to add one giraffe to another giraffe.”

In addition, the English department had to completely reconfigure their usual curriculum. Instead of being able to discuss any thesis statement or essay outline about normal books, the spectrum of literature is limited to the Five Books of Moses. “Who needs thesis statements and outlines from secular books when the real values of society were developed by religious scholars such a long time ago,” instructed Avery Washburn of the ARC.

July 28, 2013

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