Socialize

Republicans Call Health Care Bill’s Font “Unconstitutional”

By George Minkowski

When Obama’s historic health care reform bill (HR 3590) was signed into law on Tuesday, Republican leaders cried louder than ever to block the bill. Twelve state attorney generals, all of whom are Republican, have already filed suits to block the health care bill on the grounds that its font is “unconstitutional and un-American.” These efforts are seen by many as a desperate, last-ditch attempt to kill the bill and have it go back to committee where the margins and font of the bill can be tweaked to please the GOP.

The last time a piece of legislation was called “unconstitutional” based on aesthetics was in 1940 when Senator Joseph McCarthy (R-WI) accused the Democrats for being communists for using red ink on their edits of the Second Revenue Act of 1940 bill. Later, McCarthy retracted his accusation for being, “totally paranoid.” However current GOP leaders are standing firmly by their claim.

HR 3590 was typed in the font Courier New with standard 1.5” margins. The claim that the bill is unconstitutional stems from that idea that all pieces of legislation are unconstitutional unless they look like the Constitution. That said, the Republicans want the bill to be in Blackadder ITC but would settle for Vladamir Script. They hope that the Supreme Court will deem the law unconstitutional thus restarting the process to health care reform.

Representative Randy Neugebauer (R-TX) who is widely known for great decisions like shouting “baby killer” is one of the key
Republicans who thought up another problem with the bill after it was signed into law. “If you rearrange the letters in ‘Courier New’ and spell it horribly wrong, you get ‘baby killer.’ That’s what I was trying to say,” Rep. Neugebauer said yesterday in a formal “apology.” “I really meant no offense. I just couldn’t wait my turn.”

But still, many Republicans refuse to be as polite as the man who shouted “baby killer” during a session of Congress. Some of these men and women include most of the men and women. One of them, Representative Mark Kirk (R-IL). “I disagree with virtually everything in the bill,” Rep. Kirk said in a recent interview on Fox News. “The font, the margins, the affordable health care—it’s simply un-American.”

It’s still too soon to tell if the evil, radical, left-wing, Grandma-killing, polar bear loving, socialist elitists in charge of the country will allow the horribly bland bill to be taken back to committee for a little, “spicing up.” However, NRA members around the nation are gaining support for the cause. (Semi-automatic assault rifles can be pretty persuasive.)
Also persuasive, health care— “but not like this,” say Republicans. Minority leader Representative John Boehner (R-OH) Twittered this to his 30+ followers. “The goal is health care [wink, wink], but we need a bill with a font that doesn’t say, ‘Hey, Russia! Come occupy

April 3, 2010

Share This Post