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School Realizes Kid Has A Twin, Explains A Lot

By Alex Von Trapensfield
Students and teachers at DHS have discovered that sophomore Robby Cassini has an identical twin, Danny, and things are starting to make a lot more sense now.
Since freshman year, Robby’s peers were confused by his constant changes in behavior and personality, as well as his tendency to forget entire conversations and events.
“Wait, Robby has a twin?” exclaimed fellow sophomore Jake Lowe, who ate lunch with Robby last week and with Danny this week, “Wow… that explains a lot. Last week, he wouldn’t stop talking about how Green Day is the best band in existence. Then yesterday, he was muttering about how he’d rather shove ballpoint pens in his ears than listen to Green Day. I just figured he couldn’t make up his mind.”
Even Robby’s parents were not aware of his brother’s existence until around three years after his birth. “Robby certainly did seem to eat a lot, and he went through twice as many diapers as regular babies did,” mother Ella Cassini remembered. “Once I finally discovered my precious Danny, the difficult pregnancy was a lot easier to explain”.
The Cassini parents were the first to be inadvertently tricked by the twins, but they were certainly not the last. Head basketball coach Tim Walters was thoroughly impressed with Robby’s stellar performances on the varsity team; “I thought Robby was a phenomenal player. He’d be pulling down rebounds one second, then before you knew it he’d be across the court making a lay-up. It almost seemed like he was in two places at the same time.” In fact, the Deerfield basketball had accidentally been playing with six players on the court, but the referees were none the wiser.
Robby Cassini is understandably exasperated with the confusion between him and his brother. “Nobody around here understands the concept of identical twins,” Robby told The Flipside. Or um, wait, that may have been Danny. Actually, that was definitely Robby. I think.

December 30, 2009

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