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Top 10 Reasons You’re Attending the Wrong College

By Picov Andropov

A Farewell Piece

AP exams have finally come to an end and the reflection of the past four years has only just begun. We’ve had some good laughs here at The Flipside, often at the expense of you, the reader. You shouldn’t be offended, because we have made our best effort to make fun of everyone equally.

If I’ve learned anything over the past four years, it’s this: high school is not four years of preparation for college; it’s preparation to determine whether others will be attending the right college. How can you tell if you’re going to the wrong place? Well, I can help you. Here are the Top 10 Reasons You’re Attending the Wrong College:

Number 10: You’re majoring in “English accents and why they sound funny”

Number 9: You’re going to your 3rd choice, meaning your applications to University of Wrigley Field and Chicago Cubs Institute were denied

Number 8: You haven’t found out yet that your roommate watches Scrubs reruns at least four times a day.

Number 7: Gymnasium doubles as the physics department

Number 6: Most notable alumnus is Eliot Spitzer

Number 5: Professors often run in to class late wearing fast food uniform

Number 4: College is spelled “Koledge”

Number 3: Financial aid offer includes tickets to Schaumberg Flyers game

Number 2: Accepted you with an essay entitled “D=A: My High School’s Messed up Grading System”

Number 1: Website statistics include “79% of graduates out on parole in four years”

I hope you have found my column useful in the past year. Thank you to those who actually read this (you can pick up your prize in Mr. Motzko’s classroom X-121) and for not throwing The Flipside on the floor after half finishing the sudoku. Oh, and by the way, for those of you who still don’t understand, it’s “pick up and drop off.” (Now I get it!)

December 15, 2008

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