By Commisioner Ike Trabajo

Wheeling, West Virginia-Cosmetic surgeon Dr. Edward Hameletnius Wenteltenskin Thornstone has received accolades from the medical world for his recent innovations with raisin Botox procedures that bring dried fruits back to their initial ripeness.

Prior to this innovation, Dr. Thornstone’s business had been struggling as he was caught picking the nose of a patient mid-nose job. While claiming the incident to be a mere accident, he saw a lull in business for an extended period of time.

Having no patients and an endless supply of Botox available for his use, Thornstone saw an opportunity for innovation.

“I was thinking that if I could remove the wrinkles of aging from the skin of humans, I’d be able to remove the wrinkles from raisins,” said Thornstone, “after failing initially, I was able to invent a fail-safe system for raisin Botox injections.”

With his recent successes in raisin wrinkle removal, he sees a bright future ahead for other dried fruits.

“Apricots, prunes, dates, all could be the next to receive a Botox injection to improve their ripeness and bring a whole new zest to their life,” said Thornstone.

The fruit community is excited by these new innovations.

“We are very excited,” said a grape.

The apples agreed.

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