BY WARREN G. ISTHCHAMP

It was a beautiful sunny day that evening as Boris Johnson sat on his couch watching “The Price is Right” reruns.

“Yeah, I almost ran that marathon this morning,” said Johnson. “Thought I could do it in an hour or two. I felt so prepared, ya know, cause I had bought the marathon t-shirt with the number on it.”

Boris, who lives by himself and weighs a mere 640 pounds, thought he needed some exercise. He signed himself up for a local marathon, but pulled out at the last minute.

“I got real tired trying to get off my couch,” said Johnson. “I never leave my couch. I figured that if I couldn’t do that, I wouldn’t do well in the marathon.”

Further discussion with Johnson revealed that he thought a marathon “was down the block or somethin’ like that.”

“I probably lost weight just thinking about it,” he added later. “26 miles? That’s crazy! I’d get tired just drivin’ that far.”

After making his final decision not to run the marathon, Boris returned to his couch to finish watching the “Everybody Loves Raymond” TV marathon.

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