By Bartrand Collieweather

RIVERWOODS, IL—Stacey Windsor always enjoyed being your average local girl. She has lived in Deerfield all her life, and currently is a sophomore at Deerfield High School. She will continue to be, until she moves with her family to Riverwoods.

Her teachers as well as fellow students are rather sad concerning the move. “She was your average local girl,” replied her Level 2 Spanish teacher, “She had the average amount of shoes, the average length of hair, and the average number of boyfriends, about 1.8.” She sighed. “With this move, she just won’t be your same average local girl any more.”

Her guidance counselor Heather Scanvant is very worried for Stacey’s well being. “She was just so local before. Now, she will be fifteen more miles away, and once you cross that fifteen mile mark, you’re just not local anymore.”

“I think things will be just about the same now that I’m moving,” replied Stacey. “The only difference between now and before is that instead of being your average local girl, I will now be a little farther away.”

Stacey gave us an impromptu list of things that will change with her move. “Well, I will have a different zip code, a different room, most likely a different image, a different group of friends, a different GPA, and a different hair color.”

Then, unfortunately we had to break the news to Stacey that she would still be going to Deerfield High School. “The thing is, though, like, I’m not local any more, so, like, it will just be different.”

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