grandpaBy a Grumpy Old Man

Kids these days. Those little rats are out of control. With them headphones in their ears, texting on their mobile phones, playing with their Wii’s. Just makes me sick. When I was a kid, I walked uphill both ways to school. And it was always snowing.

All the kids of today are scoundrels. Rascals. They buy pants with holes in them already! What a waist of money. When I got holes in my trousers, it was only after I ran ten miles to the grocery store and twenty miles back. Now you’ve got the internets. We didn’t have ’em back in my day. No siree.

Everything was in black and white, as you can see when watching a movie from the good old days. Now, everything is in color. Kids just take it for granted that they live in a world with color. And Ti-83s.

Those punks who don’t understand overalls, who can’t tell a chisel plow from a seed drill, think they can make it all better with Grandparent’s Day! When I was a kid, there was no Grandparent’s Day because they didn’t immigrate with us. The only time my grandparents used books is when they needed more kindling for the fire.

Don’t get me started on this here “Fantasy Football.” We either played football ourselves or listened to it on the brand-spanking new radio doodad. We didn’t live vicariously through other people’s lives, escaping reality through the superficial underpinning of another man’s life, thereby claiming success that the individual did in no way influence. No, the only thing we fantasized about was Rita Hayworth. Dog gonnit, you kids just make me sick.

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