Freshman Bedtime Even Earlier With New Curfew Laws

By Gordy Colander

DEERFIELD, IL—Just a few years ago, freshman bedtime was around nine p.m. Just last year freshman had to hit the hay a whopping five and a half hours earlier at 3:30 p.m. However, with Illinois passing legislature that pushes curfew an hour earlier, freshman will now have to go to bed at 2:30 p.m. (Yes, school is still in session).

According to Profe Kanefsky, “I instruct all of my freshman to bring their almohadas to class 8th period or at least try to get that period free. The new law is muy bien.”

Many freshman are not happy about the new law, though. Freshman Ben Voicecrack is especially upset, “How do they expect us to sneak into R rated movies or go bowling with the new law?” he questions. “All those things happen after five o’clock!”

Parents are hopeful, yet ambivalent about the new law. “I just want my son Sampson to get a good night sleep,” reported one mother. “And I think the new freshman bedtime will help him…Oh, you know, high school is such a delicate time.” Other parents are not as sure. “You know these high school kids; they’re so rebellious. Dare I say, I reckon they’ll be stayin’ out past 4 p.m.,” said one concerned father.

All things considered, the rest of the school is just happy they do not have to deal with those small, annoying, and awkward freshman.

December 15, 2008

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