Gaddafi Hates the Photo They Chose of Him for the Cover of Time

By George Minkowski Colonel Muammar Gaddafi hates a lot of things and…

News in Brief: Referendum Fails, It’s Back to District 113’s Only Non-Broken Drawing Board

By Gunther Hausmann After the District 113 referendum was shot down by…

Newly Elected School Board Candidate A Little Too Excited to Be Elected to School Board

Townsperson #4 Nervous for Musical

By George Minkowski Despite having no individual lines, wireless microphone, or exceedingly…

Deerfield Combines Varsity Boys’ Football & Basketball Teams

By Jeffrey Hoodaman Several dozen students were enraged after the school administration…

Taliban Wages Prank War on United States

By George Minkowski KABUL, AFGANISTAN— Af­ter devastating losses last week during an…

Area Teen Loves Lady GaGa For Some Reason

By Walter McDonald Despite the fact that Lady Gaga is an­noying and…