By George Minkowski
Colonel Muammar Gaddafi hates a lot of things and people; Jewish people, many of his own citizens, running a stable country, and artichokes. But recently, something else has topped this list: “the Time photographer who made [Gaddafi] look like a total uggo.”
Despite the United Nations Security Council imposing a no-flight zone on Libya, Gaddafi still found a way to fly to New York when he heard Time wanted to feature him on the cover.
This was a risky move to say the least, but as a big fan of Time, Gaddafi wanted to make absolutely certain that he looked his best. He packed suitcases full of berets and moustache trimming accoutrements before he left his war-torn homeland for his opportunity to “get all dolled up” and “be glamorous for a change.”
When he arrived in New York, Gaddafi treated himself to a mani/pedi and a massage. “Ruling with an iron fist,” he said, “you sometimes forget to care about your nails. And I wasn’t about to be on the cover of Time with stress in my shoulders and unhealthy looking cuticles.”
According to Gaddafi, these aspects of the photo were “up to snuff.” What he wasn’t okay with was just about everything else.
“I look like I just woke up, the blue background makes my eyes look beady, and worst of all, I look totally fat.”
Several of his advisors assured him he looked fine, but Gaddafi wasn’t buying it. He sent them to prison without a trial for “lying to my face and being totally unsupportive friends.”
Although Gaddafi thinks he looks like a mess on the cover and this is immensely troubling to him, the issue at the core of this whole cover debacle is “legacy.”
“How will people remember me after this cover?” Gaddafi asked with tears brimming in his eyes. “I did a million good things and made one mistake… Life’s not fair.”