Opinion: Thanks For Running Over My Cousin

By Sarcastic Squirrel Excuse me, sir. I totally get how busy you…

Northern Iowa Celebrates Win, Gains Knowledge of Team’s Existence

McDonald’s Introduces Tacos To Menu… Oh Wait, I Think This Is A Chipotle

One Third of Deerfield Basketball Team Announce Retirement After Long, Illustrious Career

Local Teen Forced to Explain the Various Bases to Parents

By George Minkowski DEERFIELD– After becoming fed up with not understanding the…

Student Loses Handbook, Can’t Remember To Buy A New One

By Buford Stetson DEERFIELD, IL – Local Freshman John Morris lives a…

Toyota Debuts Aggressive New Ads

Orthodontists Without Borders Dispatched to Great Britain

Jesus, Car Keys Found at Church Retreat

Theme of Communist Party to be “Potluck”

Drill Team Choreographs New Routine… Just Kidding!

Wildly Popular “Perspectives” Class Cut to Make Room for Six More Mini-Laptops

By George Minkowski and Buford Stetson Offered to Sophomores, the combined English/Social…